Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
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