please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
