I just cut my nipple shaving
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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