I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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