why didn't you poke me back
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
