Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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