You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
