I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
