Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
