You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize
