Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
