At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
