In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Randomize
