im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
