New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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