6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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