I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
