Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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