See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
