We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
