wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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