im drinking this country out of the recession.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
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