So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
