there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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