no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
she smelled like a LAN party
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Randomize
