If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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