i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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