Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Randomize
