Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
