My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
This is the high leading the old right now
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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