Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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