I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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