Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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