I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
