Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
