I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
