why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
