worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
