Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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