I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
