evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
