I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
