just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Randomize
