I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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