Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
