Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
there's paper in my vomit.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
