carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
