Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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