All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
