So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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