dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
