I wish life had little blips of pornography
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Randomize
