Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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