3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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