i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
