so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Randomize
