Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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